2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
