Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She's the barista slut.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
