the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
