mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize