I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
