this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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