Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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