Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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