we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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