You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
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I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
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I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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