apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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