I'm gonna have a badass scar
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
