I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
