she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
