Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
