I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
