Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
