dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
