God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
