Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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