I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
