Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
