you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
