Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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