he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I deserve this hangover.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
