What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
