If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
