ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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