i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
