I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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