I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
