Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
