You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
