he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
