i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
