i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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