I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
