And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
