Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
