i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
