The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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