DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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