I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
