I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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