I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
