i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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