I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
