i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
