i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
