Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
