If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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