He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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