I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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