I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
