There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
