sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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