So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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