I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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